Legal Abuse: When the Courtroom Becomes Another Tool for Control

For many survivors of domestic abuse, escaping the relationship is only the beginning. One of the most painful realities I see in my practice is how the legal system, designed to protect, can be used by abusers to continue the pattern of control, manipulation, and fear. This is known as legal abuse or post-separation abuse through the courts, and it can have devastating psychological and financial consequences.

How Abusers Use the Legal System

Abusers may exploit the court system to continue harassing their victims by:

• Dragging out family court proceedings, including disputes over child contact or financial settlements.

• Making false allegations to discredit or destabilise the victim.

• Representing themselves (litigants in person) in order to directly question or confront the victim in court.

• Repeatedly changing legal representation or submitting last-minute applications to delay or drain financial resources.

• Manipulating child arrangements to retain control over the victim’s life.

  
  

The Psychological Impact

The emotional toll of legal abuse mirrors the original abuse:

• Hypervigilance: Constant fear of the next court date, email, or legal bill.

• Shame and self-blame: Feeling as though you should be coping better, or that the system’s lack of protection is somehow your fault.

• Exhaustion and despair: A drawn-out legal process can feel never-ending, especially when justice feels out of reach.

  
  

How to Cope Emotionally and Practically

Acknowledge What’s Happening

It’s crucial to recognise legal abuse for what it is: an extension of domestic abuse. You are not imagining it, and you are not overreacting. Naming it is a form of resistance.

Seek Trauma-Informed Legal Advice Early

Find a solicitor or legal advocate who understands the dynamics of domestic abuse and coercive control. Organisations such as Rights of Women, Support Through Court, and Surviving Economic Abuse offer resources and referrals.

Set a Financial Strategy

Legal costs can be crippling. Consider:

• Applying for legal aid if eligible.

• Choosing a solicitor who offers fixed-fee services.

• Getting initial free consultations to gather multiple perspectives before committing.

• Using a McKenzie friend (a non-legally qualified supporter who can assist in court) if self-representing.

• Avoid the temptation to 'win at all costs'. This can lead to financial depletion and long-term hardship. Instead, focus on safety, boundaries, and sustainability.

  
  

Document Everything

Keep a secure record of all communications, court orders, breaches, and relevant incidents. This helps with clarity, provides evidence if needed, and can validate your experiences.

One of the suggestions I give my clients is to set up a separate email address (using Gmail or similar) and email that address with anything that occurs. This records the event or situation, provides a date stamp, and is easily printable should you be required to present this evidence in court.

Protect Your Emotional Reserves

Therapy can be a lifeline, offering a space to process fear, grief, and anger. Peer support groups, especially those specifically for survivors navigating family court, can reduce the isolation and offer solidarity.

Create Psychological Distance from the Case

It may sound counterintuitive, but not allowing the case to become your whole life is essential. Allocate specific times to engage with legal matters, and keep parts of your life free from it, whether it’s walks, hobbies, friends, or creative outlets. You deserve joy and peace, even in the middle of a legal storm.

Don't Isolate Yourself

Many survivors withdraw during legal proceedings due to shame or overwhelm. Connect with others who understand, whether that’s a domestic abuse charity, an online community, or a trusted friend.

Final Thoughts

The court system can be deeply traumatising for survivors of domestic abuse. Not because they are weak or unstable, but because the system is not always trauma-informed or abuse-aware. If you are facing legal abuse, know this: you are not alone, you are not overreacting, and you can protect your mental health. With the right support, strategies, and boundaries in place, it is possible to navigate the legal system without losing your sense of self, or your financial security.

If you are experiencing legal abuse and need support, you can contact:

• Rights of Women – free legal advice for women: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk

• Surviving Economic Abuse – support around financial control: https://survivingeconomicabuse.org

• Support Through Court – emotional and practical support during court proceedings: https://www.supportthroughcourt.org

• Women's Aid – including the "Survivors’ Handbook" on family courts: https://www.womensaid.org.uk