The Insidious Nature of Abuse

As we near the Christmas season, I am reminded that it is a time for reflection on the year that has been. I often reflect on the differences between the start of the year and now. So much change occurs in the small day-to-day parts of our lives that we often neglect to take stock of those moments, expecting that the big changes are the ones that count. However, even just a shift in a morning routine, or a change of season can affect how we go about our lives.

This insidious change is sometimes what people experience when they are in abusive relationships. At first, we start out believing that these small things are nothing major. We can adapt and adjust. We reconcile this by saying to ourselves that humans are flawed and forgiveness divine. However, over time it is the small things that create the biggest impact in our wellbeing.

Psychological abuse is not always on a grand scale. It can take the form of subtle digs, disrespecting small boundaries, and even small financial abuses.  We tend to let the small things go so often that they eventually become the norm. When they become the norm, we slowly lose the ability to stand up for ourselves. Our confidence gets eroded one bit at a time. This is the insidious nature of the slow abuse cycle.

Over time, this leads to the abuser taking bigger risks in abusing their victims. Eventually, this leads the victim to feel empty, exhausted, confused, and powerless.

It is important to recognise that not all digs, boundary crossings and financial issues constitute abuse. Abuse occurs when there are patterns that repeat over time. They remain consistent, with the person who inflicts these small acts having no true remorse or changing their behaviours.

If you are struggling to identify if you are or have experienced abuse, contact a mental health professional to unpack your experience and make sense of it.

Take care of yourselves during this festive season.